Rule #1 of internet boredom is to not - under ANY circumstances - google your ex-boyfriends. Because it will just create a downward spiral of self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and a whole lot of "what was wrong with ME???" Assuming that you were seriously interested in this guy. Otherwise said search may invoke feelings of elation and self-validation when you see what ol' Bubba is up to now. (Why you ever thought it was a good idea to date someone named "Bubba" is on you though.)
For example, just today, I typed Scott Klonczynski* into dorkbook just to see what would happen. I don't even know what made me think of him. It's been at least five - nearly six - years since I've had any contact with him. Last I knew he was a too tall, too skinny, high school rowing coach working the door of a bar in southern Oregon to make some extra cash. (That was also a point in my life where I didn't have the first clue about what the hell I wanted, let alone from whom or when. I was 24; he was 23, so we both pretty much knew jack-diggly. But goddam, he was good in the sack.) The only viable result came with a profile picture of two little kids. No way, I thought. But my curiosity had been piqued, so off to google I went. Sure enough, Screw Responsibility Scott has himself a pretty wife, two totally adorable children, and was named Amateur Athlete of the Week by the local news station for some ridiculous running endeavor.** I was crazy about this guy at the time, and he about me. Obviously it didn't work out, and really, for obvious reasons (refer to "I was 24; he was 23..."), but it still twinged a nerve. The idea that someone else has what I ultimately want. The fact that he and Mrs. K are (assumedly) happily married with hopes and promises of a bright future together. The fact that I'm still searching for just that - someone who wants to be with me until we take our respective dirt naps. Someone to grow up and grow old with, and yes, even reproduce.
Then I reminded myself that this is the path I chose. If baby making, husband supporting, dish washing was all I wanted, I could have settled in years ago. But it's not. It's not all of who I want to be. It's certainly a part of it, and I fully admit that part of me feels totally inadequate that I haven't met a man who wants to make an honest woman out of me. But I have a hell of good thing going, and even though it doesn't involve a ring on my finger, it's not to be discredited (not even by self-doubt).
And, to make the point, there is a terribly sexy man back at my place waiting to cook me dinner.
*Name changed to protect the not-so-innocent, or at least to avoid a potentially very awkward phone call. I apologize if there is a real Scott Klonczynski reading this, you're not who I'm talking about. Or if your current girlfriend/wife/mistress finds this offensive, also not my intent. But, assuming you're just as good in the sack at the fictional Scott, she should consider herself lucky.
**And this is why you should google yourself and get all that kind of information off the interwebs, otherwise one of your exes will be writing a blog post about you too before too long. TBD whether you will fall into the Scott or Bubba category.
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